According to the weekend’s Argus newspaper, a concerned member of the public made a report to Brighton and Hove City Council after seeing a wormhole to another dimension in the middle of a residential street. Yes, you read that right: A wormhole. To another dimension. Whoa.
The anonymous person made an online report in which they stated: “I was recently walking my affenpinscher (a toy breed of dog) around the Hanover area of Brighton when I noticed that a wormhole or vortex has opened up on Montreal Road.
“On closer inspection it seems to be some kind of portal to other times, places and dimensions.
“I would have investigated further but I was concerned my little dog would be sucked into it.
“Is this meant to be there? At first I believed it might be part of the Brighton Festival but I believe it could be a hazard to the general public. I look forward to your response.”
It’s hard to say which bit of this report I like the best. Perhaps the bit where the mystery reporter sees fit to explain his/her breed of dog – given that a portal to another realm had just revealed itself to them, you’d think such specifics were irrelevant. Or maybe the bit where they thought it was part of the Brighton Festival – if the organisers could summon up a wormhole as part of the entertainment my guess is they’d have more important things to be getting on with than organising exhibitions.
But the adventure didn’t end there, oh no. Despite the potential risk to both (wo)man and dog, the mystery reporter bravely ventured back to the scene of the aforementioned wormhole and filed a further report claiming: “It seems to have got worse – it is now emitting an unsettling yellow light and a large snake appears to be emerging from the wall.
“I am concerned this is a passage to another time or dimension, and if this snake is anything to go by, I’m worried what else may emerge from the wormhole. Can anyone suggest a course of action to take?”
To clarify, a giant snake emerges from a wormhole in a residential street in the south of England, and the only witness present decides that, rather than call the emergency services, they will write a letter to the Council for advice?
Imagine if they’d done that in Ghostbusters when Zool, the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster were running around causing havoc. Something tells me things would have turned out very differently.
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