I’ve long held the belief that cats are cooler than dogs and now new research from Japan has validated that belief even more. Why? Because although they recognise their owners’ voices, cats simply ‘never evolved to care’ – which might explain their disdainful looks when humans try to ingratiate themselves with love and affection.

But it’s precisely this laissez-faire attitude towards their owners that I’ve always loved about cats. They aren’t needy in the way that dogs are, they are independent creatures and they know exactly what they want from life – generally sleep (in abundance), the occasional stretch or cuddle, smaller animals to torment before killing and a plentiful supply of delicious food (when I was little my cats used to drive Mum to despair by turning their noses up at all but the most expensive cat food – and quite right too, we humans prefer luxury to budget don’t we? Why shouldn’t they?)

Don’t get me wrong, dogs are delightful little things, with their big, sad eyes, earnest faces and yappy demeanours. It’s charming the way they race down the hallway to greet their owners after even the briefest of separations – if only we humans were so grateful for one another’s attention, the world might be a more friendly place.

But what it boils down to for me is independence. If you’re a cat owner and you want to go on holiday, no problem! You can buy an electronic feeder and get the neighbour to check in once in a while, happy in the knowledge your feline friend won’t be in the least bit bothered. Dog owners, however, can’t possibly leave their faithful mutts to fend for themselves. Oh no, it’s either costly kennel fees or begging notes to friends for dog sitters. What a hassle!

Nope, whatever arguments there may be to the contrary I’m afraid I’m just too entrenched in Cat Camp to even consider defecting to its canine equivalent. Cats rule. End of. And if you don’t like my argument, I don’t even care…