Friends Like These

Last Friday, UK-based social media news feeds were awash with post-election bitterness. Profanities, accusations and rudeness abounded between those who were – according to their profile descriptions if not evidenced elsewhere that day – ‘friends’ with one another. Characterised by a desire to shove opinions down each other’s throats whilst savagely and wantonly disregarding the pesky facts of emotional sensitivity and human decency, this was a war of attrition using words as weapons. And by God was it unpleasant.

To quote a friend who has herself been subject to recent politically-charged vitriol:

“Friendship does not spout vile names. It involves two parties making equal effort. It involves honesty delivered with tact and kindness. It involves laughing, a lot. It involves knowing when to step in and when to step back. It involves communication, balanced and regular. Anything that feels one-sided and wrong, probably is.”

Friendship isn’t always easy. As individuals (the clue is in the name), we will rarely find people with whom we always agree. But that’s okay, because being challenged in our views is the best way we can grow – so long as those who are challenging us do so in a way that is considered, measured and, above all else, respectful. Without mutual respect, friendship cannot exist. In its place is a barren wasteland of forced opinions, deaf ears and closed hearts. This world is full enough of hatred as it is. If we turn on those closest to us, what hope is there for a better future?

Another feature of friendship that is paramount to its survival is honesty. So many people let the behaviour of so-called ‘friends’ go unchecked, despite it impacting negatively upon them, because it’s easier to put up and shut up than it is to rock the boat by being honest. But if you can’t be honest with the person in question, can you truly call your relationship a friendship?

Finally, and most importantly of all, friendship cannot flourish without kindness. When we are going through our own struggles, it is easy to forget that others have theirs too. We cannot change the way others behave towards us during challenging times, but we can try to understand and forgive negative words and behaviour, and stop ourselves from getting drawn into a vortex of negativity.

We are, all of us, only human, and our time on earth is short. Friendship is one of the greatest gifts we have, so instead of squandering it we would do well to work on nurturing it.

23

Essentials – Day Two

Today – the second day of my Essentials Psychosynthesis course- has been extremely emotionally draining. We started the day with some exercises that made me feel exhilarated (not to mention awed by the power of my own imagination) but as the day went on I covered more emotionally  rocky areas that brought some surprising emotions to the surface.

I have no wish to discuss those emotions in this blog, or to recount the content of my therapy session this evening. But what I will say is I’ve been struck by the empathy and sensitivity of the therapists in all the sessions I’ve observed and taken part in. I’ve also been impressed by the various methods they’ve used to draw things out of their clients, and the positive ways in which the clients have responded.

I came to this course because of my work, but increasingly am seeing a whole new world of possibilities opening up to me. I’ve also met some amazing and inspirational people, many of whom I’d genuinely like to keep in contact with once the course is over.

Above all else I’m learning experientially just how many commonalities there are in the human condition, how similar are our wants, our needs and the sources and causes of our pain. I’m witnessing and experiencing empathy in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever truly done before, and I feel curious and greedy for more.

I’ve also learnt some valuable coping strategies for my own issues, which I plan to put into practice with immediate effect. Whoever says therapy is pointless needs to give it a try, because in the right environment and at the right time it can be so very powerful.

I was telling the story of my chance meeting with a Sadhu in north India to my fellow students earlier today, and as it’s both recent in my mind and representative of situation I found peaceful thought it appropriate to share this pic.