Detox Diet: Day Three (aka The Final Frontier)

I’m not going to lie to you, today has NOT been easy. When my alarm went off at 6.55am I could barely find the strength to lift my head off the pillow, let alone do my pilates DVD as planned. So it was back to sleep for another 45 minutes, and even then I felt like someone had dropped a breeze block on my head from a great height.

At work I was grumpy and impatient – though having to proofread a 310 page document would probably have that effect on me with or without a detox.

At lunchtime, to cheer myself up, I had an extra-large bowl of garden salad with lemon and oil dressing, rationalising that the ingredients would otherwise have gone to waste (because I’m sure as hell having something different for lunch tomorrow – most probably something that’s been deep fried in a foot of animal fat then coated in three consecutive layers of chocolate and cheese) and anyway, how can it possibly be bad to have an extra half of a tomato and a handful of spinach? Give me a break.

After lunch I took a stroll outside, then sat in the sunshine and read for a while. At one point, having watched countless happy people strolling past with iced coffees and frozen yoghurt, I almost succumbed to the sugar craving and had a tic tac to keep me going. But I resisted.

In truth I nearly gave up altogether when my colleagues asked me for a post-work glass of wine, but I hadn’t come this far to fall at the final hurdle. So I made my final revolting (and I really mean that. So many tasty ingredients went into it but the only two I could taste were celery and parsley. Gross.) mean green juice and threw it down the hatch in one, grimacing all the way.

When I got home I forced myself to do the pilates DVD I’d sacked off this morning, and I feel a whole lot better for it (if slightly light-headed given I’ve consumed the sum total of about five calories in the past 72 hours).

Tomorrow I’ve invited a friend for dinner and have promised her a nice big, cheesy lasagne with lashings of garlic break – in your face detox!

As for now, only one portion of ‘fat flushing soup’ and a chamomile tea stand between me and FREEDOM!!! It’s pathetic, I know, but I’m actually quite proud of this achievement….

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Detox Diary: Day One

One tedious and short-lived powdered Spirulina phase aside, I’ve never been one for a detox diet, though in truth that says more about my lazy nature than an aversion to the concept. I’m all for a period of healthy living, in fact, and never more so than now, after three consecutive heavy weekends have brought me to my knees, physically and mentally. And so yesterday, after a hearty last supper of cheese-based Spanish tapas dishes washed down with red wine (what?), I went to the shop and bought all the ingredients needed to do this three day detox plan.

This morning, upon rising, I dutifully prepared my lemon and ginger detox drink and put the ingredients for the fat flushing soup into the slow cooker. When I arrived at work I prepared the coconut milk smoothie, then for a mid-morning snack chopped up some carrot, celery and cucumber for a snack, which I supplemented with eight raw almonds. Lunch time involved a second trip to the shop to buy additional detox plan items for the garden salad with lemon and oil dressing that would constitute lunch.

So far, so good right? Yes, I suppose so. Except for the following:

  1. Celery is Evil
    As in, actually the devil incarnate. Which is particularly upsetting given that it is one of the primary ingredients of this particular detox plan *gags*
  2. Detoxing when you have ice cream in the freezer is the worst kind of torture there is
    Especially when that ice cream just so happens to be Crunchie Blast ice cream, your current favourite ice cream in the whole freaking world *weeps*
  3. Gym? You must be Joking
    I came into work with my gym kit feeling hopeful I would go on my way home from work. The reality of this situation is that living on raw fruit and veg alone provides insufficient energy to walk to the toilet and back, let alone do a workout. Which means physical activity (beyond trips to the loo – give me some credit for decency) is on the back burner until this detox is done.
  4. Read the Recipes
    It helps, because having chowed my way through an admittedly-large looking plate of garden salad (see below) I realised I had actually made enough for two servings, which means no ‘exciting’ afternoon mean green juice for me (despite having spent enough for a deposit on a house on the ingredients for it at lunch time – drat).
  5. Where does the time go?
    Healthy living is time-consuming, there’s no getting around it. All that chopping, grating, peeling and mixing is bloody hard work, in fact. But at least it makes the working day go faster…

Still to look forward to today is one cup (yeah right) of fat flushing soup and a chamomile tea before bed, washed down with lashings of filtered water. And, despite the almost unbearable craving for it, no ice cream whatsoever (because I’m saving that particular luxury for next week in Italy, where I shall be consuming all the ice cream, pasta, pizza and red wine I can shove down my throat. Who says people only do detoxes in preparation for a purge…?)

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