Life is Too Short

Like many people I have a strong desire to be liked, and when a person comes into my orbit who – for whatever reason – does not appear to like me, I usually internalise it and end up blaming myself. Recently, however, my feelings on this issue have begun to change.

Whether it has something to do with the quiet confidence you develop with age I don’t know, but what I do know is this: I am, fundamentally, a nice person. I am a good listener, I am generous and kind. I care about people and about causes. I am not spiteful or mean. I will do anything for those I love.

If certain people do not see my good qualities and choose to treat me disrespectfully, or make false assumptions about my character when they have never sought to understand it, that is their problem. It is not mine.

Life is too short to hate, to undermine and to discredit. We will never get along with everybody, but if we try to recognise that those people we like least have their own set of problems, their own issues and demons to face, perhaps it might help us to find a way to get along – if not as friends then as fellow walkers of this earth, for the pitifully short time we have on it.

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Santa Comes to Town

It’s Secret Santa time at The Stationery Store and Harold, the acting manager (standing in for John who is off work for the duration of the festive season due to hernia surgery), calls everyone into the office to exchange gifts. Rita, the manager’s personal assistant, brings out a bottle of cheap Cava and sets about pouring everyone thimble-sized amounts in plastic cups so they can toast one amother’s good health.

Stacey walks into the office, her impressive breasts squeezed into a tight Christmas jumper that has a Christmas pudding placed strategically  over each nipple. She clocks Mick and takes up a position at the opposite end of the room (everyone knows Stacey and Mick had a clinch in the stationery cupboard at last year’s party – everyone except Mick’s wife, that is – though Stacey swears blind it’s a figment of Mick’s overactive imagination).

“So,” says Alan, the company’s resident social commentator, “which poor bastard got landed with being Santa this year?” The question is answered when a sheepish looking Ron – the gawky work experience boy with luminous ginger hair and violent acne – appears in the doorway in an ill-fitting Santa suit, holding a tatty red sack.

“Come on then,” Harold says clapping his hands together, “let’s get this over with. Time is money after all.” Alan laughs and digs Mick in the ribs. “Bedside manner’s not our Harold’s strong point is it?”

Rita hands the thimbles of fizzy wine to the assembled employees and Ron circles the room proffering his sack. When everyone has their present they open them in unison.

“Well that’s just hilarious,” Stacey scowls across the room at Mick, brandishing a pair of pink handcuffs. He shrugs.

“Ooh!” Rita squeals with overstated enthusiasm, “socks! Just what I wanted!”

“That woman’s feet haven’t seen socks since the day she was born,” says Alan. “What a bloody ridiculous present.”

“Open yours then Alan,” Rita says breezily. He obliges, holding up his Christmas tree shaped ice cube tray and grimacing.

Harold gets a comedy tie, Mick a joke anti-cheating device and Ron a tube of Clearasil.

“Well,” says Harold once all the presents have been opened, “that concludes this year’s office festivities! Merry Christmas, and get back to work!”

“Thank Christ for that,” says Alan, dropping his ice cube tray in the bin on his way out.

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Breaking Bad: Done

Having just finished watching the final episode of my latest favourite programme, Breaking Bad (several weeks late to the party as per usual), I can report that the season five finale did not disappoint.

But whilst I’m sad to say goodbye to what has truly been eighty hours (eighty hours! Just think of all the useful things I could have been doing! Like writing decent blog posts for a start) of viewing pleasure (and sometimes also pain), I’m also rather glad to be getting my life back.

You see, between working, writing, training for a marathon and planning an imminent holiday there just aren’t enough hours in the day to spare for televisual pursuits. Which is why it’s just as well this particular pursuit has now come to an end – and a good job the next one (season four of Game of Thrones) doesn’t begin until the Spring….

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Goodbye Walt, I’ll miss you.

The Ticking of the Clocks

The only constant in his life has been the ticking of the clocks: First the mighty grandfather clock that stood at the foot of his crib like a sentry; then the gilt-edged pocket watch he was given as a boy before being sent to the country as a refugee. He remembered even now the thrill of that transaction as his father dropped the watch into his right hand, closed his fingers over it one by one and smiled. “Look after it,” he had said, ruffling his son’s hair and closing the door of the train as the engine creaked into life. That was the last time Bobby had seen his father. He was seven years old.

Now seventy seven, Bobby lies in a starched hospital bed. His eyes are closed, his breathing ragged. They have sedated him, they tell his worried family – son, Thomas, daughter in law Serina and beloved grandson, Jack. He has had a stroke and suffered serious paralysis and possible brain damage. “Don’t climb up there, darling,” says Serina to her son. Her voice, normally calm, is shrill. “But I want to see Granpa,” says Jack, ignoring his mother and climbing up onto the bed. He takes the old man’s veiny hand in his and squeezes.

Jack is seven, an inquisitive child with an aptitude for art and a love of reading. His sensitivity will serve him well in life, and he will one day become a celebrated artist. But for now he is just seven, sitting on a bed with his dying grandfather, listening to the ticking of the clock on the wall – waiting for something to happen. And then something does happen. Jack must have closed his eyes for a moment because when he opens them again he is standing on a dark landing with his grandfather. Bobby says nothing but points towards a big clock twice the size of Jack that stands at the end of the corridor. He looks down at his grandson and smiles, and Jack has the feeling everything is going to be okay.

The landing begins to shift and Jack feels himself being pulled away from his grandfather, back to the bright lights of the hospital room where his mother and father are waiting. The grandfather clock strikes seven times and Jack opens his eyes. He knows Bobby has gone but he looks peaceful, as if he is asleep. Jack climbs down from the bed and notices a feeling of heaviness in his pocket that wasn’t there before. He reaches a hand inside and pulls out a gilt-edged pocket watch. He smiles.

A Bridget Jones Post

Talk about going from yin to yang in one weekend. Whereas Friday saw me leaving my coat and house keys in an unknown location in Clapham at 4am after an impromptu night out with friends, Sunday has seen me complete an 11 mile run (in a very respectable hour and forty eight minutes I’ll have you know – if I run at that speed for the whole marathon I’ll complete it in under my target time of four and a half hours. Though I’ll admit that is a BIG IF), make some headway with planning the marathon fundraiser in February and cook a lasagne. Tomorrow needs to be more productive still if I’m to catch up with myself before going on holiday two weeks today (whoopee!), although annoyingly I now have ‘buy new coat’ and ‘get new set of house keys cut’ as unwelcome additional items on the to do list.

On another note entirely, when I started this blog on the first of January I wasn’t sure I would be able to fulfil the commitment to post something every day. Now, as I sit here writing the post for December 15th I can hardly believe there are only 16 posts left to write before the end of the year. What I’ll do beyond that I haven’t yet decided, but whilst it’s unlikely I’ll continue posting every single day, I’ll definitely continue to keep a regular blog. The ‘Bridget Jones’ posts (as my Dad not-so-affectionately refers to them – and, given this weekend’s antics and posts that description’s not all that wide of the mark…) are always cathartic to write, the fiction posts entirely different and yet arguably more important where the future direction of my writing is concerned. In February I plan to dig out this year’s NaNo novel, dust it off and start the ‘real’ work of editing. Because, I’ve decided: 2014 is going to be my year. And, like Bridget, I won’t let anything or anyone stand in my way.

The Jacket (Real Life Version)

So, two days after posting a story about an abandoned jacket I find myself in the position of having abandoned one myself – a situation whose irony is not lost on me. How I managed to get all the way home from a night out before realising the loss is a mystery (though the alcohol jacket presumably played its part), but what’s even more annoying than having lost my favourite (and only) winter coat is what was in its pockets at the time – namely one set of house keys, some excellent headphones and my only pair of gloves.

Standing outside your house at 4am on a cold November night wearing only a cardigan as the slow realisation dawns you cannot actually get inside the house to warmth and bed is a soul destroying feeling. Fortunately my best friends were still awake when I pitched up on their doorstep so I was able to stay there, but it was a sobering walk to say the least and made me realise how horrendous life must be for people who are forced to sleep on the streets.

Today brought with it numerous aches and pains, the greatest of these by far trying – and failing – to locate my coat and belongings. The last bastion of hope was dashed on the walk home when I popped into the last bar we’d been in to check if it had been handed in, and I’m now regretfully calling off the search and accepting there will be no glorious reunion. My beloved coat has gone to the great cloakroom in the sky (or more likely is now in the possession of some opportunistic thieving scally). On the plus side, I’m looking forward to shopping for its replacement…

Bad Teacher

I wrote this yesterday and then proceeded to go out and lose my phone. We are now happily reunited so I can finally upload it…

This afternoon I went to a free ‘master class’ in writing news features for charities. The content of the course was actually quite interesting. It was ruined, however, by the entirely lacklustre presentation. The woman who ran the course delivered it with all the enthusiasm of a convict waiting for their execution. At times she seemed to drift off into a world of her own, forgetting her audience (ironic considering one of her key pieces of advice was ‘know your audience’) and mumbling her points. Her decision to ask attendees to send examples of their own press releases in advance of the session and then publicly pick them apart in a group setting was one of the more interesting (read: awkward) techniques I’ve seen on such a course, and when the end was announced you could practically hear the sighs of relief as attendees fled like refugees in a war torn country towards the door.

It’s a good job the course was free or else I would have asked for my money back. It really does amaze me that people with all the charm and charisma of a sponge think teaching others is their vocation.

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The Jacket

The jacket sits on the fence, listless and forgotten. Creepers stretch tendrils towards the imposter in their midst, testing its legitimacy, waging a war of attrition that it cannot hope to win. The snow is thick now, almost a foot deep in places. The jacket has its own jacket of snow, white on red like Santa’s suit. How many sunsets has it seen? How many frosts has it endured? So many questions left unanswered by the perpetrator of its demise. From time to time a passer by will stop, their eyes alighting on the arm that hangs limply from the fence post like a rag, or a fallen soldier on the edge of the battlefield. They will look around, frown and move on, it being quite apparent that the jacket’s owner has done the same.

What they don’t know is he hasn’t. He lies there too, beneath the foot of snow, his frozen hands clasped tightly as if in prayer. He was drunk, of course (at this time of year they always are), on his way home from the Christmas party. When they find him several days from now they’ll all be baffled as to why he removed his jacket when it was so very cold. In truth he would be just as baffled had he lived to tell the tale, for there was no logic to his whisky-addled thinking. And now there is no thinking at all.

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Christmas Swish

It’s been a while since Susy’s last swishing party, so tonight was warmly received by all those who attended. As usual Susy was the perfect hostess, plying us with what have now become the customary sausage rolls to wash down our Prosecco and girlie banter. The turnout wasn’t huge (damn Christmas parties) – around ten of us in total, which gave the evening (and indeed the clothes selection) more of a boutique feel. That said there were still plenty of good quality clothes to go around, and I think most of us walked away with several quality items in our Christmas sacks as well as full bellies.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Swishing parties rock. What could possibly be better than getting together with a group of friends for some wine, party food and a natter, with the added bonus of taking home some lovely (and, more to the point, free) new outfits? Christmas swishes are the best as everyone is also feeling festive and up for a giggle-not to mention particularly keen to bag themselves a sexy number for the office Christmas party-which makes for an even better paper, scissors, stone-off at the end of each round…In short, it’s been another splendid swish. Thanks Suse! X

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Gym Fun

I am writing today’s post from the somewhat unconventional location of an exercise bike in the gym. Whilst this is an excellent example of multi-tasking (read it and weep boys-sorry, too sexist?) the primary reason for this (besides making the pain of exercise marginally more bearable due to the distraction it provides) is that I wanted to write a real time appraisal of the box fit exercise class that is taking place to my right. Or, more specifically, to pass comment on the extremely annoying fitness instructor who ‘teaches’ it. In the past five minutes alone I have witnessed her:

  • Smirking to herself (presumably at something terribly funny that nobody besides her deserves to know)
  • Checking herself out in the mirror (not wanting to be disparaging about a fellow female of the species but she’s not all that, believe me)
  • Flirting with any male instructor who happens to walk past (and a fair few male gym goers)
  • Doing the bare minimum of actual exercise (besides the occasional show-off manoeuvre on her skipping rope – which, gratifyingly, I just witnessed her messing up completely)
  • Offering very little by way of instruction, advice or encouragement (presumably due to previous points)

“All our tutors are active personal trainers,” say the signs on the TV screens (which frankly makes me call into question these people’s definition of ‘active’). When I joined this gym a few weeks ago I was quite keen to try the box fit class, but after witnessing it ‘in action’ I think I’ll give it a wide(r than the instructor’s arse and ego) berth…